Alone But Never Lonely

All my life I was never alone. As always my family has been there for me. They may never know what I’m going through for a certain time because I may never have told them but they do feel me when I needed them the most. Their presence is enough reason to go on when things don’t go as how I expected them to be.

I was raised in a very close family tie to the point that there will always be an argument when asking for independence. Too many whys. In addition, the responsibility of supporting a family member in all aspects while struggling over your own battle is expected from you. Being the youngest in the family, I have taken advantage to this.

Then there’s this point in my life that I had to take the journey only by myself. Adulting has to take its part. I have come to realize about this when I was away for a year from home trying my luck in a foreign country. Too heavy was the burden of being far from family. Far from the things I have gotten used to. Far from mom’s cure when I’m sick. Far from dad’s loving protective arms when I need a hand. Far from brother’s consoling gag when I’m feeling down. I have gained and known friends along the way yet some circumstances led me into building a fence, enclosing myself and not allowing anyone to break in. Least not too close. Leaving my comfort zone, learning lessons the hardest manner, and mastering the art of aloneness, I have managed to blend in and adapt in whatever situations I’m into. I would eat out, walk around and do things all for and all by myself. I was alone but never lonely. I have the energy, time and resources to swallow life challenges and be happy. It was liberating!

Now, while listening, I can’t help but contemplate as this line from the song “Scared To Be Lonely” by Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa continues to linger in my ears straight like a bullet through my mind, “Do we need somebody just to feel like we’re alright?”. If you ask me when I was four years younger, like back then, I might have answered “NO”. The ‘older me’ now likes to believe that it’s still the same. Only that at the back of my mind it wasn’t the same anymore.

Things are different now. Everything has changed when I met someone and lose him for an unknown reason. I thought he was just going to be like the ‘others’. But no. I did everything to forget about him. Months have already passed since then, still he’s my first thought in the morning and at night I wonder how he was doing. Always. It is excruciatingly crazy but life has to go on. And each day is a choice to be happy. I’ve got the hang being alone and today I am trying to master the art of moving on. I’m raising my glass to those who are going through the same everyday! We have survived least for this day. Cheers!

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