Overthinking

Do you ofttimes cerebrate? Does your mind frequently wanders from a certain situation to another and another until it lead you to somewhat unuseful thoughts? And then you begin fantasizing what could possibly happen next? Finishing off to the least favorable outcome? All of a sudden things became so imperceptible. We are on the same boat. Perhaps many others are too.

Though it is not strictly destructive, say thinking big somehow teaches us to assess occurences beforehand in a more logical manner >>least this is where I desire to go for. I believe in most cases it is, especially as to being in a relationship.

Social media is one great deal of a factor nowadays. Wherein we found couples defying the norms and sweeping up the odds. Please don’t get me wrong. They’re cute and totally inspiring. But do we really need to adopt them as standards of society with regards to personal relationships? And when our partners don’t comply we begin doubting them. Feeling so less important and dissatisfaction slowly taking hold of everything. Cross questioning how committed truly (madly deeply) are they with us? In which we get so sceptical. Stimulating our minds to overthink. Forgetting that they are not the ones we idolized on someone else’s social media posts. So why forget their own unique means of showing devotion to us? Worst accused the other person of cheating on us? Speculative of all their actions (be it in social media or not) even the slightest ones. Instantly turning it into a bona fide dilemma.

Later on we demand for assurance. Some of us get so lucky that their “better halfs” happily obliged while others don’t that they decided to rather let go and called it quits. Yet what do we do to ward this off before it gets into our heads first? I do not know honestly.

I for instance made myself unfriend my boyfriend on facebook. But of course He didn’t even notice until I told him so. He asked me to take it back yet I firmly said no. I cannot acknowledge this as a well-thought-out decision for sure considering that we are on a long distance relationship (for now). However barely noticing what he posts or likes and only knowing what he says or do first hand from our personal conversation is quite one to accomplish overthinking. It is both hard and fulfilling at the same time as it helped us build trust towards each other more. So far we are doing just fine and I am hopeful (yes “I” because he, stubborn like a child, still insists that I should accept his friend request once again) that it is better for us this way. We are indeed not the ideal duo but we are simply “us”. We are original.

As much as we admire other match-made-from-heaven pairs declaring affection, imagine establishing yours with every terms of your own. Work up with your mate and indite an incomparable tale that belongs to no one but you.

Disclaimer: Image used is for illustration purposes only. Not in any way originally from the author. Artwork by @3896days.

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Down-At-Heel

He is mad. He is confused.
Hatred is in all his every nerve.
He demands answers.
He is picking up a fight.

She is accused.
She felt aggravated.
But won’t let it to breaking point.
So she chose to kept quiet.

Talk. He persists.
Letting everything out.
Determined and not giving up.
No chance she can turn away.

Compelled. She accommodated.
She begun to storytell.
Carefully. In full honesty.
Not to leave any crucial detail.

Lulled for a moment.
Hearing out each other.
Both with total empathy.
Relinquishing ire and choler.

Shortly they patch up.
Resolved to forgive and forget.
Volitionally bridging the gap.
Another storm together they survived.

Relationship isn’t always chill.
We know sometimes it is down-at-heel.
For us who stick around no matter.
We just favor to love better.

Disclaimer: Image used is for illustration purposes only. Not in any way originally from the author. Artwork by @3896days.

To The Person Who Taught Me

To the person who taught me..

That it is okay to bow down if it’s meant cherishing more the relationship

That keeping promises is possible even in each other’s absence

That collecting memories together is a must to relive for some occassions of being apart

That expressing your true feelings is not a weakness instead an advantage

That what you deserve isn’t always to fight for, it is rather what you believe sometimes

That you may not have everything, still with little things that you have, be grateful

That there ain’t just second chances, there are third fourth and more

That not only what you dreamed of, even those far from what you imagine, can happen

That crying or breaking down when tired isn’t always giving up

That there is still a finer and stronger inner self than you thought you ever was

That planning for the future is good but to live each day, each moment is more precious

That too much love won’t actually kill you, it nurtures your whole being in lieu

With or without me by your side, in however circumstances, may you’ll be reminded of all these too each and everyday like how you do to me. Happy birthday, love.

Disclaimer: Image used is for illustration purposes only. Not in any way originally from the author. Artwork by @3896days.

Peace Amidst Chaos

It was our first solo travel as a couple. We were dying in anticipation when rain was pouring heavy and wind was blowing strong the day before our planned trip. We had to try other options like originally Puerto Galera then Baguio, Batangas, Vigan and so on. We even delay it for two days hoping for a better weather condition. Once confirmed that it can’t be any finer, we still had to push through as I, myself, wouldn’t wish for my vacation leaves to be put to waste. Besides we’ve been waiting for this long enough that we can’t afford not to carry on. Thus resolving to Subic instead.

Us exploring resort’s area on our first day.

After searching for nice beach hotels in the area, I chose (yes I get to choose, if not always most of the time) the one that looks clean, comfy and with relaxing ambience perfectly suited for the very intense atmosphere due to typhoon.

Third floor where our room and the pool is located. Big waves down behind us.

It took us around three hours of bus ride in which we were mostly asleep before getting to the resort. Because we arrived ahead of standard check in time of most hotels we shared bottles of beer, two each, first in their homey in-house restaurant to wash our vexation off the worsening weather. About checking in, thrilled as we were, true to their website the room was spacious and the bathroom too. It was minimalist inspired. Toiletries were provided along with set of towels and robes. The room has a minibar too where drinks are readily available. They were quite pricy by the way. It was too cosy that we couldn’t resist resting a bit.

Corner spot he found.

In search of a place he used to visit few years back, late afternoon until nightfall we were downtown subic. In there, we had our petty little fights. We realized how different we are and how we argue on the smallest thing ever possible just because have opposite thoughts on the matter. We annoyed each other too much that we went back to our accommodation silent. It was an earsplitting silence. After awhile he walked out of the room and then went back. Three times repeatedly without a word. I kept quiet too. Until he hugged me closed to him while saying his sorry. Avowedly accepting fault wasn’t neither of us I hugged him back. We came to terms and finally conciliated. He pulled me up and lead me to a small, private and beach-overlooking spot. We watched the procellous waves below and looked at the dim clouds above. Finding peace amidst chaos hand in hand with someone you love, it was all about that. Nothing else counts.

Basking the pool’s view which was just few steps away from our room.

Other days are not anything contrary. There were conflicts but we patch up and still stick to each other. The best part of the trip was being aware of each other’s likes and dislikes and knowing how to compromise.

Let the pool be an option while beach isn’t very complaisant.
My love.

We would have surely savoured the place and the moment itself if we have witnessed the sea in a more serene and tranquil state rather than those of raging big undulations brought by the storm. I personally hope for us to come back. Maybe then everything is synchronize, the people, the place and the weather condition.

Passenger’s Seat

My love RA,

More often than not we would go on petty fights over the smallest possible matter(s). But then again (over and over) we would patch things all up like none of them had ever happened. I don’t know if it’s still normal or not (anymore). We struggle. You’re easily losing temper whenever affairs don’t occur in your favor or on how you imagined and planned it would be. But I know how much you’re trying. I want to ask you to be more patient and calm into dealing with it.

Disappointments and dissatisfactions are natural. Like it or not, they are facts of life. In so many times i would go short and fail you (just as much as I would try not to still I would), so as early as now I ask for your forgiveness.

As you know, we are far two different persons (though I would like to destress on that!). We are not alike yes, yet our hearts are enchained with love and respect. I can sense. We are greater than all the battles that we are or we may be facing. Together we will fought for breath and win them all.

One day, if both faith and fate permits, we are one in heart and soul. By this time, I wish we won’t ran out of road trips and crazy rides together. Like that on a stop light, I would literally stare at you then you would ask me “why”. Sometimes it’s the other way around and you’d answer witlessly. On a more serious note, I loved it when out of nowhere you’d just spill and declare your love for me. Thank you for being always so sweet. Those were just few of our best memories. I do hope and pray that you still want me on that passenger’s seat someday like you do today. I love you beyond measure.

Forever yours,
SE

Limitless

Forgiving
Patience
Absolution
Humility
Benignity
Credence
All these and more
Are somehow limitless
When love is there
And it is true

Disclaimer: Image used is for illustration purposes only. Not in any way originally from the author. Artwork by @3896days.

Never Want To Go Away

Why does it feels like always the first time whenever I come to Japan? And when i depart why does it seemed like I’m leaving a part of me behind? I was excited surely. Thinking I get to reunite with my relatives and friends again. Though it was only for three months that I was gone, I still feel the need to catch up. Regardless when we actually connect in all of our social media accounts. Nothing beats being with them in person right? And now that I’m home I can’t decide what to eat first amongst all my cravings from all the local dishes that I mostly missed.

Setting the days back in Japan, I made friends with my co-trainees. We do work for the same company but only then that I am able to know them very well. I also found an acquaintance from a trainee in another country. We didn’t talk much but we knew we like each other and we could have been closer given with enough time.

Also I had my very first festival to witness and experience which was the “Hinamatsuri” or the girls’ festival a.k.a. doll festival. It is meant and celebrated for women particulary young girls to wish them luck and good fortune.

As for the training itself, I had the privilege to be a support for “kaihatsu-ka”. A small group that mainly handles software development that we use in steel production. I get to work with a bunch of good and accommodating people. I am able to run tests and try the latest software version before its release. Work has never been thrilling before this.

And then there came the comfort of living. People were very intelligent, disciplined and calm. I don’t see any of them angry, probably because they were too busy and focused at work to be. Thus, the peaceful working environment and life in general. Household chores was made easy too. Machines and appliances for the most part do the job. Way so convenient are their road networks also. It wasn’t difficult to adapt their commute system may it be via train or bus. Not to mention the amazing beautiful spots I had the opportunity to tour in. Oh and the food, maybe real pricy yet worth every penny. Serving for one person is quite big and many just like in a bowl of ramen.

All these and more were plausibly the grounds on me having the separation anxiety everytime I left Nippon. I somewhat missed home at the same time don’t ever want to go away from Japan.